It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize