Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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