he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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