he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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