I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
vagina is talking i cant
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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