when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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