Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize