Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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