i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just want to make out with him forever
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
