Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
