Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
