so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
