So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
