xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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