i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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