Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
