youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
