So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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