The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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