I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
