I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
