Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
