I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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