just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize