The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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