why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
we should paint friendship bongs
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