You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
