It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
