NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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