I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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