My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
