do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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