you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
