theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
