Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
