They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
