My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
