So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
