I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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