Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
