So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize