Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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