i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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