shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
