saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I want a musical about memes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
