Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
