she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I need to align my fucking chakras
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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