I accidentally burped into my bong.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
