whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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