I wish I could teleport
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He felt like a one man threesome
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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