I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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