how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
