bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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