to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
