whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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