I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
