When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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