Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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