Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
