how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
