Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
