I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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