It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
