so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
