Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Pants are for mortals
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
