Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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