Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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