everyone is single if you try hard enough
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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