Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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