sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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