You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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