i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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