What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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