just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
