I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
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