I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
