respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
