my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
