I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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