just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
