"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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