What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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