Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
farters have to be the big spoon...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
