idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
