You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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