you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
