Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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