What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
