So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
