Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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