I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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