my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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