I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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