Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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