C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
