those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
