There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
