Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
