We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
