my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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